Chapter Text
Sokka was trying to stay busy, but Suki had Mai, and Katara had Haru, and Aang had Katara. The only person that didn’t have someone was Toph. And there was only so much the two of them could do together for extended periods of time. Sokka really needed to make more friends his age. Toph had finally gotten her guide dog though, so Sokka had driven her to a field after school one day to play fetch with Momo. Toph seemed to have fun chucking the ball as far as she could and Momo seemed to enjoy whatever weird game his new human had come up with. At school, Aang was obsessed with the dog of course and was constantly making faces at Momo, who would just tilt his head before resting his chin on Toph’s knee.
Other than that excitement though, Sokka had just been trying to survive his last semester of high school, taking care of the horses, and rotting his brain playing video games when he had the time. So when Katara asked if he wanted to do something Friday night, he decided to give in.
They decided to have the normal group over, plus a few extras: Mai, Haru, and a few of Suki’s girlfriends from the soccer team that also knew Katara. Suki was the most popular and social of the group so she usually had plenty of people to ask over. It was a low key sort of party though, if you could even call it that. People were constantly rotating through their three Wii remotes playing Just Dance, while everyone else ate snacks on the couch and drank the wine Suki’s mom had given her. Sometimes Suki’s mom was a little too relaxed, but she was nice.
Sokka was pleasantly tipsy and had just destroyed Aang at Rasputin on the Wii when he heard a knock on the front door. Katara glanced at him and he waved her off, “I’ll get it.” She hadn’t been drinking, and she wasn’t super thrilled about the rest of them doing so, but she couldn’t exactly tell them what to do. Aang listened to her though, probably to kiss ass.
Sokka didn’t think they were expecting anyone else, but Gyatso could be checking in or something. He made his way to the front door and pulled it open, squinting into the darkness after staring at a screen for so long, it didn’t help that it was absolutely pouring out either. It was starting to warm up now that spring was coming, but it had been sleeting for days now. He really needed to replace the lightbulb on their porch light.
“Sokka, hi,” Zuko’s familiar voice rasped as he stood on the porch. His hair was plastered to his face from all the rain and his arms were wrapped around himself to keep from shivering. All he had on was a blue button down and his usual nice black pants. Why wasn’t he wearing a jacket?
Sokka opened his mouth but his brain wasn’t working fast enough to come up with anything to say. Zuko was just about the last person Sokka had been expecting. It took a lot of nerve to show up unannounced after telling Sokka he never wanted to see him again. But he did miss him and he had said that he wanted Zuko to figure it out, so maybe that’s what was going on? He could only hope.
“Can-“ Zuko shifted from foot to foot, tucking his hands into his armpits to try and warm them up, “Can we talk?”
“I guess so, uh…let me just-” Sokka glanced back inside the house before grabbing two coats off the coat rack and gave one to Zuko before shrugging his own jacket on. He really didn’t want to have this conversation in front of everyone. “Come here. We’ve got people over.” He grabbed Zuko by the wrist and took off at a run to get through the rain and into the barn as quickly as possible. Zuko stumbled after him but didn’t complain. The second he yanked the massive sliding door closed behind them again he turned on Zuko, unable to help the angry tone in his voice.
“What are you doing here? Why didn’t you wear a jacket, idiot? It’s freezing!”
Zuko had his hands raised to his mouth, blowing hot air on his fingers with a sheepish smile. Sokka hated that he was mad at Zuko and he still looked adorable. “I don’t know, I uh- I was nervous?”
“You were nervous, so you forgot your jacket?” Sokka clarified, trying to follow this logic. “It’s March…”
Zuko had the decency to look embarrassed, but nodded anyways. “Uh-huh.”
Sokka waited for him to say something else, but Zuko had gone back to staring at his feet. His hair had grown out since he’d seen him last, hanging in his eyes. Sokka hated to think that he’d done it just to hide his face, even though it made him even more attractive in a ruffled sort of way. It was dark in the barn, but Sokka could still make out most of Zuko’s figure, his slouched shoulders, his shaky hands, his beautiful amber eyes. Sokka wanted to pull him into a hug and tell him it would be all right but he couldn’t. Zuko had told him to leave. And now here he was asking to talk? The whiplash was ridiculous and Zuko needed to explain himself or Sokka was going to go backwards on all the progress he’d made these last couple weeks trying to get over this.
Sokka sighed, crossed his arms as he leaned back against the wall outside the tack room. “Why are you here, Zuko? If you’re going to keep changing your mind, save it.”
Zuko took a shuddering inhale and began, something that sounded sort of rehearsed, but terribly executed. “I’m here because I was wrong, and- and I wanted to tell you I was wrong. You were right. I can’t do it by myself. I’m more miserable than ever and I’m just really sorry but I was so scared. I- I’m still scared, you have to understand that I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
It was hard to watch. Zuko clearly hadn’t been doing well. He looked a little thinner maybe and his head hung with exhaustion. Sokka had been mad at him, sure, but he hadn’t wanted him to suffer. “Scared? Why?”
Zuko kicked a rock across the barn floor. “My family isn’t exactly thrilled with me, Sokka. Liking a guy is worse than anything I’ve ever done before in my father’s eyes. It’s hard to just accept that part of yourself when the people closest to you hate you for it.”
Sokka almost didn’t want to ask, but he did. “Did your father do all of this because of…this? Us?”
Zuko shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not. That’s what started the fight, I guess, but it would’ve happened one way or another, Sokka. Please don’t blame yourself.”
“But I do blame myself, Zuko! How could I not?” He’d had some suspicions about why Zuko’s dad had snapped the same night he’d held Zuko’s hand, but this confirmed it. Sokka wished they could go back a month or two and just start this over. He would’ve done it so differently. “I didn’t mean to cause you trouble and I didn’t realize how high the stakes were for you. I’d never hurt you on purpose, I’d never out you, you know that, right?”
Zuko nodded. “I know. It’s okay. I was just so angry. I still am. But I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I was mad at myself for being a disappointment, for being… gay, I guess. I thought if I just wished it away, I could go back home. But I can’t. I can’t wish you away and I’d be f*cking stupid if I did because you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Sokka. And I do like you. A lot, more than I’ve ever liked anybody before. I didn’t know I liked you before- or- or I did but I didn’t want to admit it. “
Sokka just wanted to burst into tears for Zuko. There was so much of a difference in their lives. Sokka wasn’t exactly completely out, but his friends were supportive and he could be himself. He’d never had to be afraid for his safety because of who he was. Zuko did though. Zuko had to be careful of who he talked to or how he dressed and Sokka would never understand that. Even if his own father reacted poorly, Sokka could never imagine him behaving like Ozai.
“God, I’m such an ass for rushing you. I’m so sorry I yelled. I was just terrified of losing you.” Sokka said as he pushed off the wall to move closer to Zuko, hovering, but not sure if he was allowed to make contact. “I was just hurt and I didn’t understand what you were going through, and I wish we could just do it all over again. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”
They both knew he was talking about the scar. It was obvious. Zuko dropped his head again to hide it when Sokka reached out, his left hand curling into the fabric on the front of Zuko’s jacket.
“Zuko… I wanted to tell you then, but then we started to argue and,” Sokka waved a hand, “It doesn’t matter. What I’m trying to say is that you’re so beautiful. I’m so sorry this happened, I wish you didn’t have to go through this, but it doesn’t make me like you any less. I actually kind of like your face, believe it or not.”
Zuko snorted.
“It’s true!”
“I believe you,” Zuko finally said, though not exactly like he agreed with the idea. “And- And I like your face too.” Zuko looked away, embarrassed at the awkwardness but Sokka laughed, he couldn’t help it.
“You charmer, you.”
“Shut up.” Zuko shoved him away, but the tone was so much lighter than it had been before. And now Sokka knew it wasn’t him that Zuko was mad at. He’d have to try to be more sensitive to Zuko’s moods and give him space if he needed, given everything that was still going down with his father. But he could work with this.
“Can we though? Try again, I mean?” Sokka asked, searching Zuko’s eyes as he stared back at him in the dark.
Zuko nodded hesitantly. “I want to, but…”
Sokka waited as Zuko’s brow furrowed, trying to explain what he needed. Zuko didn’t get much practice asking for things he wanted. And even if he had in the past, his father certainly wouldn’t have listened. So even if the drawn out thoughts were frustrating and he just wanted Zuko to spit it out already, he waited.
“Is it okay if we go slow?” Zuko asked, “I don’t want to make you keep it a secret or anything but-“
“Whatever you need, Zuko,” Sokka insisted. “I mean, I guess I’d like to go on dates and tell my friends and stuff, but if you think it would get back to your dad we can keep it a secret?”
“No,” Zuko shook his head, brow furrowed as he spoke, “Your friends can know. They wouldn’t tell Azula. I just mean maybe at school and stuff. And maybe if my uncle’s around. I’m not ready to tell him yet, this is just all so new and I’ve never even had a girlfriend before.” Zuko’s eyes went wide as he corrected himself “Not that I’m assuming you’re my boyfriend now or anything I was just saying that so you’d-”
“Zuko!” Sokka interrupted, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him. “It’s okay! I’d like to be your boyfriend if that’s something you want too, but take it easy. There no sort of timeline on relationships, and you’re just figuring this whole ‘attracted to guys’ thing out.”
Zuko nodded, taking a deep breath before talking again. “But I’ve liked you for a long time before that. Even if I didn’t recognize it. Can we start with a date and take it from there?”
“Sure, where are you taking me?” Sokka raised an eyebrow, batting his eyelashes at Zuko before he couldn’t help it and cracked a grin.
“Uh,” Zuko thought for a second, taking the question way too seriously. Sokka had sort of meant it as a joke, he’d be fine with picking, but Zuko was in full focus mode now and he didn’t want to ruin it. “There’s this park by my Uncle’s house, my mom used to take me there. Do you want to get drinks and wander around the park?”
Sokka hadn’t been expecting Zuko to fully formulate a first date on the spot, but it sounded like fun. Aimlessly walking and talking peoples’ ears off was basically a hobby of his at this point. Not that he wanted to talk Zuko’s ear off. “That sounds great, we can go this weekend maybe? Or next if you’re busy.”
“I’ve been working at Uncle’s tea shop, but with my online classes I can usually do that during the week. I’m sure he’ll be fine with me taking off.” Zuko counted off days on his fingers as he tried to figure out when he worked.
Sokka was too busy focusing on Zuko working at the tea shop. He needed to see that. Desperately. “I need to know what it’s called. Please, Zuko. Do you wear a little apron?”
“What? No!” Zuko glared at him and shook his head. “I don’t want you showing up and distracting me with my uncle there. I just started running the register a little bit when it’s busy and handing out cups. Otherwise it’s lots of sweeping and bookkeeping.”
“I’m going to find out,” Sokka insisted with a smile, “Your uncle loves me. He calls me a ‘polite young man’.”
“I hate you.” Zuko scrunched his nose at him, but the corner of his lips were turning up against his will.
Sokka laughed, throwing an arm around Zuko’s shoulders to let him know he was just messing around. If the tea shop was Zuko’s safe space or whatever he didn’t need to go barging in there. Eventually though, he did need to try Iroh’s tea and see if it was as good as they said.
“Well, I suppose we should get you back to your car so you don’t get too cold. I’d invite you in but I don’t know if you’d want to deal with all the people.” If Zuko didn’t want to go to school, he probably didn’t want to hang out at a sort of loud party where a bunch of his classmates were that would probably talk.
Zuko paled and shook his head. “I’m good. Not big on people right now, I guess.” He gestured weakly at his face and pulled Sokka’s coat tighter around him.
“That’s okay,” Sokka said, even though he hated that Zuko felt that way at all. He shouldn’t have to be the one hiding. It should be Ozai. “I’ll walk you back to your car and see you Sunday morning if that works?”
“Perfect,” Zuko agreed as Sokka steered them out of the barn, taking Zuko’s hand instead of his wrist this time as he pulled him through the rain once more.
Zuko fumbled with the keys for a second before he got the car open and turned around before he sat down. “Oh wait, here’s your coat back.” He started to take his arm out when Sokka stopped him.
“Keep it for now. It’s so cold. Turn your heat up and text me when you get home, okay? The roads are probably sh*t.” Sokka zipped the jacket for Zuko before he could complain. He seriously needed to take better care of himself.
“O-okay.” Zuko sat down and started the car, waiting to close the door. “I’ll see you Sunday then?”
“I’ll text you a bajillion times before then, but yeah,” Sokka said. “Bye.” There was a little bit of weird tension now, goodbyes always felt so romantic and now that they knew they liked each other it was weird to just wave goodbye. But slow was important. It would probably be best to start spending time together and get to know each other again but in a more romantic sense, rather than just rushing head first into a messy relationship that was just going to fall apart. Like Suki. Yikes. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
“Bye.” Zuko held his eye contact until Sokka closed the door for him and waved, watching as the car pulled out the driveway. He’d get to see Zuko this weekend. Things were improving.
•••
Sokka got to the park right on time, only to find Zuko already there. He hopped out of his car when Sokka pulled up though, waving shyly. It was weird to figure out how to interact again, but in other ways it was like they’d never stopped talking in the first place. Sokka had been texting him all weekend, sending memes and talking a little more about everything.
Zuko seemed to talk a little more over text when he could think through his answers and didn’t have the pressure of Sokka standing there and waiting for him to speak. He’d said a little bit more about living with his uncle, how scared he was of disappointing him too. That his new room didn’t really feel like his. That he’d had trouble sleeping but he was seeing someone who was trying to help him through it. He had thanked Sokka too for the chemistry project, which was nice. Zuko had a lot more to worry about than homework, so Sokka was just glad he wasn’t mad about it.
Sokka wasn’t exactly sure how to help with any of that, but at least he understood more of what Zuko was going through and he was going to try his best. Zuko obviously wasn’t going to just get over something like this, but Sokka would be there to help him through it. He was good at that. Being there. Even when people didn’t want him to be.
So he hopped out of his truck and walked around it to meet Zuko. It was still a little chilly out so he had a beanie on and was wrapped up in Sokka’s coat from Friday.
“Hi.” Zuko waved awkwardly.
“Hi,” Sokka replied with a smile, trying to get Zuko to relax. This didn’t have to be horribly awkward and uncomfortable. They’d been friends before this, right? Why should it be any different now? “Where are we headed?You lead the way.”
Zuko stared at him like he wanted to say something, but then nodded. “There’s a nice loop around the lake, it’s just starting to open up.”
“Works for me,” Sokka said, following Zuko to a paved path that wound through the trees.
There weren’t many people in the park this early in the spring so they had the place mostly to themselves other than some lady walking her dog and few kids screwing around on the play-set. They started to walk in somewhat of an uncomfortable silence, which Sokka hated. Katara said he had a problem with filling any silence there was, so he was trying really hard not to talk just for the sake of talking.
Zuko kept looking over at him though, his face a weird expression. Sokka watched him scan the park around them before chewing on the inside of his cheek and glancing back at Sokka.
“Dude, seriously, what are you looking at? You’re freaking me out.”
Zuko fidgeted with the zipper of his coat for a second. “I-I was wondering if it would be okay if I held your hand?”
Sokka nodded vigorously. That was what this silence had all been about? “Of course! I wanted to, but I wasn’t sure if you’d be cool with it, being in public and all.”
“Oh,” Zuko said softly, “There’s no one here, and- and I want to too.” He stuck his hand out and Sokka grabbed it, slipping his fingers between Zuko’s and squeezing.
“God, your fingers are always cold.” Sokka was built for cold weather, he always had been. Zuko seemed to hate it though, always cozying up to whatever the heat source in the room was.
“Sorry.” Zuko kicked a rock as they walked, the tip of nose going pink the longer they stood outside.
“It’s okay, I’ll warm them up,” Sokka joked, swinging their arms between them.
They walked a long ways, some of it awkward, some of it less so. When too much of a lull in conversation happened, Sokka would point out something random like the guy they passed who was running (Sokka thought running was stupid and Zuko disagreed, insisting it was good for you). That argument lasted a while but it broke the tension, ending with Zuko actually smiling.
“Why would I work out when life is enough of a workout?” Sokka continued as they approached the lake, Zuko already shaking his head.
“Not everyone lives like you. You’re constantly lifting hay bales stuff. Your house is basically a gym.” Zuko’s hand was much warmer in his now, and Zuko had stopped squeezing his hand in a panic whenever they passed someone. No one had really spared them a second glance.
Sokka had opened his mouth to reply but as the parking lot and the edge of the lake came back into sight, Zuko’s face broke out into a grin.
“The ducks are back!”
“The ducks?” Sokka was still trying to catch up as Zuko pulled his hand free of Sokka’s and took off at a run towards the car, yelling over his shoulder.
“I gotta grab my backpack!”
Sokka stood, still completely baffled about what was going on as Zuko returned, this time without his hat, which he must have lost on the mad dash to the car and left it there.
Zuko met back up with him at the edge of the lake, his face still uncharacteristically happy.
Sokka thought ducks were neat and all, but Zuko didn’t even smile this much when he saw Sokka.
Zuko was digging around in his backpack now, and Sokka watched over his shoulder as he pulled out a bag of frozen peas.
“What the f*ck?”
Zuko held it up in front of him and pointed at the pond. “They’re for the ducks!”
“The ducks? What are you, eighty?” Sokka laughed and shook his head, easily able to picture an ancient Zuko sitting in the park and feeding ducks. “I thought ducks ate bread.”
Zuko ripped open the bag and slung his backpack over one shoulder before grabbing Sokka’s hand and pulling him towards the water’s edge where the ducks were already congregating.
“Bread’s not good for them. It’s not very nutritious and if they fill up on bread they won’t eat the things they actually need to stay healthy.” Zuko tossed a handful of peas into the water as Sokka watched him with a smile.
What a nerd. Sokka was standing on Zuko’s right side though and the unscarred side of his face was lit up with genuine happiness as the ducks quacked, begging for more peas. He was adorable. Zuko was still rambling on about ducks and Sokka just listened to him talk.
“Do you come here a lot?” Sokka asked eventually.
Zuko shrugged. “My mom took me here a lot when I was little. She really liked ducks, I guess I come by it honestly.”
Sokka laughed and bumped Zuko’s shoulder with his. It would have been nice to be able to meet Zuko’s mom. She sounded like she actually cared and had a lot more in common with Zuko than his father did. “That sounds like fun. What did your mom look like?”
Zuko shrugged. “A lot like Azula, I guess. But her eyes were a lot less…” He flapped his hand as he searched for the word.
“Crazy?” Sokka supplied.
“Sure.” Zuko looked slightly pained as he tossed another handful of peas to the ducks. “Azula wasn’t always like that though, we used to be friends.”
Sokka tried to wrap his head around Zuko’s sister a lot of the time, but he could never really get past hating her, especially not now after she’d ratted on Zuko and gotten him into this whole mess. He just couldn’t wrap his head around Katara hating him so much she’d put him in danger like that.
“I haven’t seen her in like a month. Since it happened,” Zuko said, sounding surprised. “It’s weird.”
“Do you miss her?” Sokka wasn’t sure what else to ask, but if he knew anything, it was that family was complicated and Zuko probably didn’t know what exactly to feel.
“Maybe? Sometimes? She has a weird way of showing affection, but in middle school she beat the sh*t out of this kid that used to steal my homework. But everything’s a competition with her and I just couldn’t keep up anymore.” Zuko snorted to himself. “She broke my nose once, did I ever tell you that?”
“What?!” Sokka stared at him and studied Zuko’s nose to look for any flaws, but it seemed straight enough to him.
“Yeah, we were at the park, this one, and Mom wasn’t watching so Azula told me she could beat me in an obstacle course around the playground. When we were at the top of the slide she pushed me right into one of those stupid metal poles and there was blood everywhere. My mom was flipping out.” Zuko smiled at the memory, enough though it seemed a little violent.
Sokka shook his head, trying to picture a younger Zuko playing with his sister. “Katara and I fought a lot I guess, but not violently. Well-“ Sokka hesitated, “I take that back. I decapitated one of her Barbies so she punched me and knocked my front teeth out. They didn’t come back in for two years.”
Zuko’s shoulders shook with silent laughter as he threw the last of the frozen peas, shoving the empty bag in his pocket and slipping his now cold again fingers between Sokka’s. “And eventually we need to get to the point where we’re sharing childhood pictures because I need to see toothless Sokka.”
“Maybe.” Sokka cringed at the thought. Gran Gran had a plethora of terrible pictures of him in photo albums from when they were kids. He wasn’t sure if he was quite ready to put Zuko through that yet. “I was an embarrassing kid.”
“Did you still have your ponytail?” Zuko asked with an innocent look, though Sokka could see the smile he was trying to hide.
“It’s not a ponytail!” Sokka argued as Zuko started to laugh, immediately apologizing.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry-“
“It’s a warrior’s wolf tail, and yes I did still have it when I was younger, because it’s cool.” Sokka crossed his arms and glared at Zuko, trying to make him feel bad about the teasing.
“I’m kidding!” Zuko insisted, “I love your hair.”
Sokka finally gave up the act of being mad and squeezed Zuko’s hand. “I’m sure if I asked Iroh, he’d find me some pictures of you to bully you with.”
Zuko shook his head immediately. “God, no.”
Sokka laughed, watching the ducks slowly disperse as they started to look for food that wasn’t falling directly in front of them. “Did you wanna go get drinks? We never ended up doing that before and I could use some hot chocolate or something.”
“Sure,” Zuko agreed, pressing the fingers of his free hand against his neck, trying to get them warm again. “I could use something warm to hold.”
“Am I not good enough for you anymore?” Sokka’s gasped, squeezing Zuko’s hand dramatically.
“No,” Zuko laughed, “But you’re a close second.”
